Booger burger

“My mom told me I have a burger in my nose and no matter how big it is I can’t eat it.” – A 3 year old

“Cut and drag” is probably the grossest way to express a desire to no longer be pregnant but you have to give credit to the exactness of description because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what happens when you have a baby.

I’m constantly thinking of how my life will change once the baby comes. What will be different? Will anything stay the same? I won’t be able to whisk away to Puerto Rico on a moment’s notice but I’m then again I’m not SJP and this isn’t Sex in the City. I guess my dreams of becoming a runway model are over but I’m pretty sure my Jewish ancestry took care of that aspiration when I was granted my 4’11” stature at conception.

The thing is my life has always been a revolving door of changes. I haven’t had consistency and “normalcy” in my life well, ever. First childhood and that was, uh fun, then came the awkwardness of high school, college, I moved to Florida (twice), got married, fought to save my husband’s life and now I’m pregnant. Pretty much sums up my entire timeline. There has never been a “dull moment.” In fact every moment has been filled with so much color that my nickname is George Clinton. 

So I should be prepared for a child right? (And a collective cackle from experienced parents fills the air) I’m not naïve, I know things will change, things will be different, we’ve created a person for goodness sake. I guess I just want to know HOW much will everything change? But no one has that answer. That’s one for the “you’ll just have to wait and see” books. 

Toot my own bidet

Today I had my 37 week check-up to see what my cervix is up to, turns out not much. It’s holding strong at 1.5 cm dilated. But I’ve lost another pound. Most women have trouble gaining too much weight during pregnancy, guess they’re just cool like that. I never thought I’d be envious of someone with a weight problem but alas the grass is always tastier.

I’m not sure what to make of this news. Sure, as a women going through a monstrous body transformation I’ve been concerned about losing the baby weight or not gaining too much weight throughout my pregnancy but I have been eating more than usual, have not been making the most healthy food choices and have certainly not been doing anything physically representing exercise so when I stepped on the scale and saw the decrease I was surprised. Something that might be adding to my reduction and I don’t want to flush my own bidet, but, Steve bought a new plunger due to the amount of waste I’ve been excreting (no pun intended). They say if a person is blocked up they can store up to 10 lbs. of poop, since I'm clearly (and thankfully) not blocked up maybe that has something to do with my deficit.

My main concern is that the baby is gaining enough. She's measuring small but she’s always been on the smaller side. My doctor has scheduled an ultrasound to check her progress. I’m nervous but excited that we’ll be able to see our little lady once more before her official arrival.

Last night I was lying in bed with Steve on my left and Jack at my head. My left hand touched Jack, my right held Steve's. I fell asleep in that position. Before I dozed I thought how can it get better than this? How can I feel more love in a moment than I do right now? I guess that’s the brilliant thing about life, the possibility that it can only get better. 

Well deserved

I had a doctor's appointment Friday, she told me the baby is head down, in position and “ready to go.” That would explain the more frequent trips to the bathroom, and bruised ribs from her flexing feet. Last night I studied my ever expanding stomach. I pushed in one spot and a ping pong sized mass would  push back. As my skin stretched the mass would move across my stomach. Enter science fiction cliché.

To think “this” is happening is very weird. And to think that it’s happening to ME is utterly surreal. I try to take in every moment but I can’t help thinking that most moments are lost to my amazement of them occurring in the first place. Steve and I will spend hours watching YouTube videos of babies laughing, playing and experiencing adventures for the first time. I won't be able to fully believe that we are lucky enough to witness such miracles until they are actually occurring. 

I saw my third grade teacher in the grocery store and as she congratulated me she said, “You deserve it.” This struck me as strange yet superb. As an expectant parent I’m persistently privy to callous warnings from present parents such as, “Your life is over” or, “You’ll never sleep again” and my favorite, “Welcome to alcoholism.” Right, parenthood is difficult, challenging and tedious but it’s also wonderful and a gift to be deserved. Thinking that this is my gift makes this journey even more special, emotional (great I that’s what I need, MORE emotion in my life) and intimate. Soon I’ll be a mom. And I deserve it. 

I had a dream

Last night I had a dream that I delivered my baby accidentally while sitting on the couch. She ripped through my skin and came out just above my ribs. It didn’t hurt and I remember thinking, “that was easy.” She had hair that reached the middle of her cheek and it was the same hair color as my husband’s. The top was tied in a tiny pony tail. In my dream I told Steve, “Wow they really are prepared for the real world, pony tail and all.

I’m 34 weeks pregnant. I’ve gained about 30-35 pounds, my body, mind and attitude has changed and nothing has even "happened" yet. I'm just anxiously anticipating the life as I know it to change forever. No stress here...

Lately sleeping hasn’t been as enjoyable as once enjoyed. I don’t have a hard time falling asleep but wake up every 2 hours to use the bathroom or just be wide awake. It makes working the next day really fun (wink). Working as a preschool teacher I need to be on my game, so to speak. High energy, an accurate multitasking ability and a positive attitude is a must have. The only thing that helps push me through the day is the innocence and delight of my 3 year old students and being consistently privy to their curiosity and questions. “Danielle, when will I have a baby in my belly? Why doesn’t your baby come out and play with us? If your baby cries I’ll feel her better.” Another favorite is that they think everyone is pregnant, man or woman. Seeing a 3 year old ask the man who replaces the water cooler if he has a baby inside his belly never gets old.