Grrr

Steve had an MRCP scheduled for a few Saturdays ago. We arrived at the hospital at 7 am and were informed by 8 that the technician wrote the order incorrectly and they weren’t able to do the test. The MRCP is a slightly more invasive exam where they are able to visualize the binary and pancreatic ducts and sedation is needed to complete the procedure. His medical offices have been attempting to reschedule and we have a tentative test date for this Tuesday. Steve’s pain level is better and his spirits are as well. And for that I’m very grateful.

Continual lesson never learned: Don’t wait until the moment has passed. When an issue arises, seize the moment and conquer. If you don’t you’ll be left to your own contemplation and I’m not sure there’s anything worse. Nothing ever comes from “letting it go.”  Because you never actually let it go. It stays in your psyche festering and compiling, waiting for the next problem to arise sending previous concerns catapulting onward and onto a more than likely unsuspecting victim.

Why is it so hard to learn? Old habits die hard. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Insanity is doing the same thing over again. Ya I know all of the famous catchphrases but somehow they never come in handy during the heat of the moment. It’s only after the fact that the should’ve, could’ve, why didn’t I realizations come to fruition. And they are usually followed by hours of heart pounding, anxiety ridden pacing and a mostly sleepless night.

Today my hormones have the best of me. And I’m blaming the 28 week old unborn baby growing inside my uterus. I’m cranky, anxious, uneasy and overly excited. At first I thought it stemmed from specific life problems but then I realized, nope it’s just me. I came to that conclusion once I recognized that I was sweating and shaking with anger while watching a Newt Gingrich speech. The notion that the name Gingrich could be added to list of forefathers is infuriating but shakingly so? Not so much. It must be the hormones.

The tricky thing is nothing helps. Not taking baths, walks with my dog, painting my nails, writing, tea, nothing. I’m continually left feeling anxious and unsettled. Chock it up to hormones, and move on. That’ll be my mantra of the day. It probably isn’t helping that I’ve been watching birthing videos on youtube like it’s my job and overly analyzing items added to my baby registry.

Hopefully in less than 3 months our new addition will arrive. I’m going to attempt some deep breathing, more walks and another bath. Let’s hope that helps. If not there’s always punching pillows.